• 100 Days of Good Karma: Day 11 (Tentative Fingers and Averted Eyes)


    Tuesday, July 22, 2014

    Day 11 of 100 Days of Good Karma.

    Today I met with the oncologist at MD Anderson. My friend Pam kept me company.  We agreed that even as crappy as it was to sit in an oncologist’s waiting room with a conversation about cancer on the horizon, we’d still rather be with each other than at work.

    Ah, the American Dream.

    We got a good giggle over the awkward male Physician’s Assistant. He was the warm up act for the actual oncologist.

    He was sweet, but seemed very nervous.  Like today was his first day on the job.

    He stammered over the answer when I asked, “Will I be able to feel anything after surgery?” then deferred every other question I asked to the oncologist.  When it came to the actual physical exam… Well, let’s just say it was performed with tentative fingertips and averted eyes.

    He finally left the room and Pam caught my eye. We burst into laughter, then concluded that I was the first woman to take her shirt off for him.

    I spoke with the oncologist and got pretty much the same information I already knew from previous appointments.

    • I need a PET scan to see if the cancer has spread anywhere else.
    • Chemo will start sometime after the PET scan.
    • Pray that the PET scan shows the cancer is contained to one area.

    There was more, and given in great detail, but at some point you stop hearing the doctors.  Discussing your own odds of survival is a sure fire way to make the world go swimmy and highly educated medical professionals sound like the teacher from the Charlie Brown.

    Justin called me after the appointment and I fell apart on the phone.  I didn’t get any particular news that set me off.  I think it was just a culmination of everything.

    My amazing husband earned sainthood today when he came home carrying two bottles of wine made by OneHope, where 50% of the proceeds from each bottle goes towards breast cancer research.  The makers of OneHope wine clearly understand the integral part wine takes in getting through the first few weeks of a cancer diagnosis.

    Two glasses of wine and several hours of phone calls later, I earned myself:

    • an echocardiogram (in preparation for the portacath)
    • an additional mammogram and ultrasound
    • and a PET scan (to see if the cancer has gone anywhere else)

    After all this Justin hugged me and cooked dinner.

    And when the clouds that had been hanging over Houston all day opened up and started pouring, he didn’t think I was crazy for chasing the kids out into the backyard to dance in the rain.

    Today’s silver lining:  My husband and friends.  Thank you for not only believing in my fight but also for joining me in the trenches.

    What’s your silver lining today?  I love comments!


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23 Responsesso far.

  1. Pam says:

    You’re so damned funny, Meghan. How you can take something so stressful and find the humor is beyond me….and I totally admire it.

    Big big hugs from eastern Quebec

    • Meghan says:

      Holy cow, Eastern Quebec?? I’ve gone international!

      Humor is how I cope with overwhelming situations. Sometimes it makes me look ‘strong’, but it’s totally a front. Most of the time it just gets me into trouble (think staff meetings and funerals).

  2. Paulette Palmer says:

    Behind each teardrop, I feel your strength. Stay strong Meghan. My friend Pam gave me a “Divas For A Cure” do-rag some years ago. Today, I hung it over the head of my bed post as a reminder to include in my prayers a cure for cancer each day. And as a reminder to always keep you in my prayers. And when it’s not on the bed, it’s on my head. – Paulette Palmer (Pam’s friend)

    • Meghan says:

      Thank you, Paulette. It feels like an uphill battle, but I have to keep putting one foot in front of the other. 🙂

  3. For once I am speechless and my heart goes out to you. I’m glad you have a wonderful support system and it includes the best Big Sister I know “Pam Walker-Williams.

  4. Chelsea says:

    I always enjoy reading anything you’ve written…I can actually see the story play out in my head…today, I saw you shirtless LMAO. Love you Meghan.

    • Meghan says:

      Hell, it seems like EVERYONE has seen me shirtless lately. I had a doctor appointment today and I was a little surprised when she told me to keep my shirt ON!

  5. Lori Carreon says:

    ^^No one would blame you if you just forgot and started walking around topless. I’m cracking up at the PA story!!

    • Meghan says:

      Maybe I’ll do that for the next appointment. Just walk in topless. It would certainly be more efficient.

  6. Brenda Birdow says:

    I heard from Alma last week about your diagnosis and have had you in my thoughts and prayers since then. I’ve been in that ‘friend’ chair at least six times in the past several years and it is an honor to share that unplanned journey with whomever has had that same diagnosis. I will think of you daily, and often, and will be here for you for anytime for anything you might need. Please call me anytime!! Know that you are never–ever–alone even if there is no one physically in the room with you – – we former USA folks remain a strong and close family–always!! Brenda Birdow

  7. Annette Foster says:

    The “hurry up and wait” is very frustrating. Justin well done ! Sending you a big hug!

  8. Josh says:


    I am thinking good thoughts for you!

    Maybe next time you get a nervous, tentative doctor, you could take command by going “Bow chicka-wow-wow!” after he asks you to disrobe.

    I think your good humor is a strength, not a crutch.

    Stay strong.

    e-hugs from Josh

    • Meghan says:

      Surely there’s a ringtone I can download and play on my phone. Maybe a disco ball app, too. It would set the mood. 🙂

  9. Regina Woods says:

    Hi Meghan my name is Regina my mom died from cancer not a day goes by that I don’t pray for a cure for cancer or the courage of a cancer patient I love your sense of humor hold on to it the fight is often won threw your mind set and God is so faithful to his word” By his stripes I am healed” I love you with the love of the lord Pray Warrior Regina Woods

    • Meghan says:

      Regina, I am very sorry for your loss. This isn’t a club I ever wanted membership in, but since I’m here, I’m grateful for all the support I can get. 🙂

  10. Meghan,

    I’m thinking about what your mom told me about Justin wanting double D’s and Dolly Parton wig!! Its clear to me that he is your biggest fan and has a great outlook on this diagnosis. I’m thinking positive thoughts and prayers!!

    Luv U,

    Auntie Minute

  11. Tina Smith says:

    How did I miss this one? I’m laughing so hard at your virgin PA.

  12. […] Not so very long ago I was the new patient.  I remember how emotional that first visit with the oncologist was. […]

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