Monday, July 28, 2014
Day 17 of 100 Days of Good Karma.
Today I was given instructions to follow a high-protein/restricted carbohydrates diet in preparation for the scan tomorrow.
The instructions for the test gave meal examples.
“Breakfast: 2 eggs – any style…”
I read this thinking: okay. I’m good with eggs.
“…bacon or sausage…”
I nodded to myself. Bacon and sausage… good, good.
“…decaffeinated black coffee or water.”
Wait one goddamn minute.
What. Is. That. Word?
Is this a joke?
I can’t have coffee?
I threw the instructions down on the counter and fell to the floor kicking and screaming. The kids backed away slowly, their eyes wide and frightened.
Then I called my doctor’s office and cancelled the scan.
“F*ck this,” I told them. “F*ck you. F*ck your stupid scan. F*ck cancer. F*ckity, f*ck, f*ck, f*ck!!”
And then I went back to bed.
Because my day just doesn’t happen without coffee.
Today’s silver lining: Just kidding about the phone call to the doctor’s office cancelling the scan.
The rest of it is true.
What’s your silver lining today? I love comments!