Friday, August 22, 2014
Day 42 of 100 Days of Good Karma.
I was sitting on the couch watching another episode of Orange is the New Black when Chrystal and Eric came to the door.
I paused the show and the TV’s screen saver started flipping through digital pictures.
As I let Eric and Chrystal in an image of Hannah and Connor playing in the backyard filled the screen.
Eric was carrying a Pyrex dish containing the meal he’d made.
“Did you preheat the oven?” Chrystal asked.
I said yes.
“This’ll only take about 25 minutes,” Eric said, sliding the dish into the oven.
Chrystal and Eric leaned against the kitchen counter with their backs to the TV screen. I sat cross legged on the counter facing them while we talked and waited for the chicken to bake.
All the while the pictures cycled on the TV in the background.
Hannah and Connor as babies.
My nephew Mason’s first birthday.
Me in my wedding dress.
Then came a picture I didn’t know we possessed.
An old friend taking a selfie long before the word ‘selfie’ was commonplace.
My lips froze in a horrified smile.
His drunken face grinned down into the camera lens.
One hand extended the camera down between bare and rather hairy thighs.
The other hand covered his man-part, but left his testicles freely hanging down into the camera lens.
I felt my jaw came unhinged while three words throbbed in my brain.
What. The. Fuck.
I glanced at Chrystal and Eric. Neither had seen the picture.
I quickly assessed my options.
I made a split second decision and went with option three.
Chrystal said something. I don’t remember what.
I was sure they could read the thoughts on my face.
Thought: There are testicles on my television.
Thought: Don’t turn around. Please don’t turn around.
Thought: Why isn’t the goddamn picture changing?!
Eric said something and Chrystal laughed.
I laughed too but in a panicked holy-shit-this-can’t-be-happening kind of way.
I somehow found words to keep them talking.
How they’d met, how Eric learned to cook, how their boys liked karate class.
All the while I couldn’t keep my eyes from jumping to that frozen image on the TV screen.
Finally a silence fell and Chrystal looked at her watch.
“Well we have to go pick up the kids. My mom has them.”
As she turned to gather her purse my heart lurched in my chest.
And the picture finally flipped.
I walked them out on trembling legs thanking them profusely for the amazing dinner.
As I shut the door behind them I let out a breath I hadn’t known I was holding.
I glared at the TV screen and added a task to my To Do list for the weekend: Find that picture and destroy it.
Today’s silver lining: Social skills so ingrained they kick in even when you have testicles on your television.
What’s your silver lining today? I love comments!