• 100 Days of Good Karma: Day 42 (A Forgotten Photo)

    selfie

    Friday, August 22, 2014

    Day 42 of 100 Days of Good Karma.

    I was sitting on the couch watching another episode of Orange is the New Black when Chrystal and Eric came to the door.

    I paused the show and the TV’s screen saver started flipping through digital pictures.

    As I let Eric and Chrystal in an image of Hannah and Connor playing in the backyard filled the screen.

    Eric was carrying a Pyrex dish containing the meal he’d made.

    “Did you preheat the oven?” Chrystal asked.

    I said yes.

    “This’ll only take about 25 minutes,” Eric said, sliding the dish into the oven.

    Chrystal and Eric leaned against the kitchen counter with their backs to the TV screen. I sat cross legged on the counter facing them while we talked and waited for the chicken to bake.

    All the while the pictures cycled on the TV in the background.

    Hannah and Connor as babies.

    (flip)

    My nephew Mason’s first birthday.

    (flip)

    Me in my wedding dress.

    (flip)

    Then came a picture I didn’t know we possessed.

    An old friend taking a selfie long before the word ‘selfie’ was commonplace.

    My lips froze in a horrified smile.

    His drunken face grinned down into the camera lens.

    One hand extended the camera down between bare and rather hairy thighs.

    The other hand covered his man-part, but left his testicles freely hanging down into the camera lens.

    I felt my jaw came unhinged while three words throbbed in my brain.

    What. The. Fuck.

    I glanced at Chrystal and Eric.  Neither had seen the picture.

    I quickly assessed my options.

    1. I could wake the TV up, but that would call their attention to the screen.
    2. I could laugh at the picture.  Oh geez, ha ha, would you look at that.  But there are some things that, once seen, cannot be unseen.  And NO ONE needed to see this.
    3. I could wait.  Just let the picture change.  Keep them talking.  Keep them facing away from the TV.

    I made a split second decision and went with option three.

    Chrystal said something.  I don’t remember what.

    I was sure they could read the thoughts on my face.

    Thought: There are testicles on my television.

    (More talk.)

    Thought: Don’t turn around. Please don’t turn around.

    (More talk.)

    Thought: Why isn’t the goddamn picture changing?!

    Eric said something and Chrystal laughed.

    I laughed too but in a panicked holy-shit-this-can’t-be-happening kind of way.

    I somehow found words to keep them talking.

    How they’d met, how Eric learned to cook, how their boys liked karate class.

    All the while I couldn’t keep my eyes from jumping to that frozen image on the TV screen.

    Finally a silence fell and Chrystal looked at her watch.

    “Well we have to go pick up the kids. My mom has them.”

    As she turned to gather her purse my heart lurched in my chest.

    And the picture finally flipped.

    I walked them out on trembling legs thanking them profusely for the amazing dinner.

    As I shut the door behind them I let out a breath I hadn’t known I was holding.

    I glared at the TV screen and added a task to my To Do list for the weekend:  Find that picture and destroy it.

    Today’s silver lining:  Social skills so ingrained they kick in even when you have testicles on your television.

    What’s your silver lining today?  I love comments!

    xoxo,
    Meghan

    Post Tagged with

20 Responsesso far.

  1. kalieris says:

    I laughed so hard at the “testicles on my television” that I scared a cat. You handled that perfectly, BTW.

  2. Rene says:

    What can I say – LOL! I have tears! 🙂

  3. Auntie Minute says:

    You need to publish your stories for other patients going though treatments, its hilarious!!

  4. Annette says:

    A good laugh is good for the soul! Thank you! xoxox

  5. pwsquare says:

    OMG, that is too funny! Glad you had something to make you smile, hell laugh!

  6. Michale Bauer says:

    Meghan, this is too funny! Individually, I would love to hear Chrystal and Eric’s account of this visit!

    • Meghan says:

      I’m sure they thought I spaced out and wasn’t listening to them. I was trying so hard to keep their attention on me so they wouldn’t turn around to see that damn screen. 🙂

  7. Kathy says:

    I would have had to say hey look at that! I was laughing so hard. Jimmy had to know what was going on

  8. Pat Sincox says:

    Really would have liked a picture of your face at the time of revelation. The second question is: would you have known who it was in the picture if his face had been covered, and not his manhood?? A question for the ages…….

    • Meghan says:

      Nope. I never saw that particular man-part before and I don’t ever care to see it again. I might send the picture to his wife though. 😉

  9. Erica says:

    That, sounds like my kind of friend!
    Please RSVP 3 for my wedding and bring Mr. I take selfies of my testicles on other people’s cameras, with you & Justin. Ahahahah this made me laugh out loud.
    I could only hope to stumble upon such a gem of a random photo. Still laughing….

Leave a Reply