Wednesday, October 29, 2014
Run/ Walk/ Bike/ Elliptical (Today: 2.47 miles; Running Total: 23.48 miles)
Day 110 of *Another* 100 Days of Good Karma.
I checked in for the biopsy with Justin in tow today. They gave me a valium about twenty minutes before I was called back for the biopsy.
It turned out that one valium wasn’t enough.
While lying on the table, face up this time with a rag over my eyes so I didn’t have to watch, the doctor gave me a few injections to numb the area in my breast being biopsied.
I was too keyed up, even with the valium. I tried to be still. I really did.
The first needle wouldn’t pierce my skin. She said she usually started with a pediatric gauge needle, but evidently I have tough skin.
She asked me if I’d lost weight recently because losing weight sometimes makes skin tougher. I told I didn’t think so.
I asked if chemotherapy could make skin tougher. She wasn’t sure, but she switched to a larger gauge needle.
Also I don’t numb easily. My dentist has struggled with this for years. Getting a filling is an exercise in frustration.
I jerked when I felt a particularly deep needle stick.
I swear I didn’t mean to, but I couldn’t help it.
It scared the doctor.
She gasped and backed away. She said something about being afraid she was going to stab me in the lung, then told me she was going to step out and let me calm down.
I heard her mutter to the nurses that she needed a minute to calm down too.
I heard the door click shut and I started bawling.
I felt awful that I’d scared her and awful that I couldn’t be still. I was overwhelmed with the thought of almost getting myself stabbed in the lung with a needle.
The doctor ordered me another valium.
After a quick blood pressure check the nurses okayed me for the second pill.
While they waited for the second pill to take affect several nurses surrounded me trying to soothe me and get me to calm down. One rubbed my legs, one rubbed my arm.
A third held my hand. She was a real angel. I kept flashing back to the moment when I scared the doctor and I’d start crying all over again. She talked about books and movies while she held my hand and rubbed my back.
She even rubbed my head and I remember being so embarrassed because my head is patchy with short spikes of hair. It was probably also sweaty from stress. She didn’t seem to mind.
I finally stopped crying when the second valium kicked in I was cursing and laughing and making inappropriate comments about Matthew McConaughey in Magic Mike.
Around this time the doctor came back in and proceeded. Thanks to the second Valium I was able to be still while they injected the numbing solution into my breast. I felt a few needle sticks, but I wasn’t jumpy anymore.
I heard a few loud clicks as they took the biopsy samples but I didn’t feel anything.
They got me cleaned up and into recovery.
I was high as a kite and could barely walk – a nurse ushered me with an arm around my waist into another room where they did a quick mammogram. I didn’t feel a thing.
I don’t really remember going out to the car.
I know we picked up the kids from school but I fell asleep several times during the drive to the school and on the way home.
As soon as we got home I stuck an ice pack into my bra, crawled into bed and slept for almost three hours.
Today’s silver lining: A double dose of Valium. God bless the inventors of that little bit of heaven.
On to FAC chemotherapy tomorrow.
Thank you to everyone with all your kind and encouraging words. I read and approved each and every one while I waited for the doctor to call me back. You all lifted my spirits more than I can say. You are all my silver linings every day.
What’s your silver lining today? I love comments!
Don’t want to leave a comment, but have something you want to share? Send me an email at gettingthewordswrong(at)gmail(dot)com.