Tuesday, November 3, 2014
Run/ Walk/ Bike/ Elliptical (Today: 2.5 miles; Running Total: 29.57 miles)
Day 115 of *Another* 100 Days of Good Karma.
I got up in sometime around midnight to use the bathroom. I’d already woken up twice before with hot flashes and to use the bathroom. My stomach was queasy even though I’d taken an anti-nausea pill before bed.
While in the bathroom I scratched my nose and a runner of blood poured out. I hate the feeling of nosebleeds. That weird pouring sensation coming from inside in your head. This was the worst nosebleed I’ve experienced so far.
I waited for the bleed to slow down then crammed some toilet paper up my nostril.
I washed my hands and I was shaky – that nosebleed scared me and I badly wanted to lay down.
I walked back into my dark bedroom and collapsed on the carpet. I didn’t black out exactly, more like grayed out. I was aware of going down, aware of avoiding the edge of the bed and aiming for the carpet. But my legs just wouldn’t hold me up anymore.
When my vision cleared I called Justin’s name a couple of times before he woke up.
I was scared to try and get up by myself. I didn’t trust my legs to hold me.
Justin woke up and helped me back into bed. It was a good thing I waited for him. I was really wobbly on my feet and I would have fallen again if he hadn’t been there to support me.
He asked if I needed anything.
My stomach was rolling and I asked for an anti-nausea pill. He brought me the back up pill – the one I’m supposed to take if the first one isn’t working.
Justin asked if I needed anything else.
“Yes,” I said. “I’m starving.”
He brought me two boxes of snack bars that are now living on the nightstand next to my bed. I ate one and had a drink of water.
Justin tried to go back to sleep. After a while he got up and went into the kitchen.
When he came back he said, “Needed a drink of water.” Then he laughed in an it’s-not-really-funny kind of way. “You rattled me a little.”
I bet I did. I rattled myself.
Justin finally fell back to sleep.
I laid there staring at the ceiling for a long time. I couldn’t sleep go back to sleep and I was still hungry.
I got up to eat. I’m not a middle of the night eater, so it felt weird to be eating a bowl of cereal at two in the morning.
I wrote and read until I felt tired enough to go back to sleep around three.
I don’t know what made me pass out. If it was the nosebleed or the nausea or if I was hungry or dehydrated. Or all of it.
I know it scared the crap out of me.
I plan on calling the doctor’s office as soon as it opens to let them know what happened.
I hate cancer.
Today’s silver lining: Good news. I heard back on the biopsy results. The area they thought was suspicious is cancer, but it’s not new cancer. It’s literally right next to the area that was biopsied a few months ago and the doctors say it’s not a new growth. So we proceed with chemo, surgery and radiation as previously scheduled.
What’s your silver lining today? I love comments!
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