• Another 100 Days of Good Karma: Day 212 (Two Post-Surgery Firsts)


    Sunday, February 8, 2015

    Run/ Walk/ Bike/ Elliptical (Today:  0.00 miles;  Running Total: 165.62 miles)

    Day 212 of *Another* 100 Days of Good Karma.

    Two post-surgery firsts happened today:

    The first?

    I shaved my legs.

    I know, I know. It doesn’t sound like a big deal, right?

    But the last time I shaved my legs was the day before surgery. Twelve days ago.

    Do you have any idea how much leg hair can grow in twelve days? The National Redwood Forest had nothing on me.

    I haven’t attempted shaving my legs because I didn’t trust my right arm and, thanks to the remaining drain tube, showering is still awkward.

    But I’d reached an impasse: shave it or braid it.

    I figured out a way to rig up the drainage tube to hang from the shower door and began clear cutting the foliage. After nearly two weeks of growth I ruined the razor, but at least I don’t feel like a Brillo pad anymore.

    It would be nice to select which hair would grow back.

    Head hair? Yes, please.

    Body hair? No thank you.

    My second post-surgery first?

    I put on a bra.

    There is nothing so awkward as going out in public without wearing a bra, something I’ve had to do several times in the last week. I hate not wearing a bra. I don’t feel dressed. But I haven’t been able to put one on because of the mobility in my right arm.

    Well that ended today. I figured if I can shave, then I can wear a bra, too.

    I snagged a comfy looking sports bra out of my dresser drawer. I pulled it over my head and I got all the correct bits situated inside without too much trouble.

    I gave myself a moment to gloat, thinking I. Am. *Awesome*.

    Then I noticed that the sports bra was just a little too tight. Either I’m swollen or I’ve gained some weight. (Given the way I’ve been eating, probably both.) So I pulled a different bra out of the drawer for a quick swap.

    When I tried to take off the sports bra I discovered that I had a problem: I was stuck.

    I could cross my left arm to the right side of the bra, but I couldn’t cross my right arm to the left side, so I couldn’t lift the bottom of the bra back over my head.

    Likewise I couldn’t bend either arm enough to slide them down through the armholes of the bra.

    No amount of worming, wiggling, or squirming got that sports bra anywhere near my head.

    I sat on my closet floor mulling over the problem for a good five minutes.

    I considered cutting the damn thing off just to avoid all the man-jokes I was bound to hear when I went to Justin for help. But this sports bra is one of my favorites so cutting it was out of the question.

    Defeated, I hung my head and marched into the kitchen where I found Justin marinating chicken for the grill and drinking a beer.

    “I need your help,” I said.

    “Okay.” He raised the bottle for another sip.

    “I need you to take my bra off.”

    The hand holding the beer froze half way to his lips. He set the bottle down on the counter very slowly.

    “That,” he said, “is so hot.”

    I sighed.

    Today’s post-mastectomy lesson: Wear a bra with a clasp.

    Today’s silver lining: Post surgery firsts make for good entertainment.

    What’s your silver lining today?  I love comments!

    Don’t want to leave a comment, but have something you want to share?  Send me an email at gettingthewordswrong(at)gmail(dot)com.


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8 Responsesso far.

  1. Pat S says:

    Now what did you expect from Justin??? Unless he has had testoserone removal therapy, then I would consider that a rather normal male reaction. The other response may have been for him to totally pass out because he had not heard that phrase in quite some time (and I am ignoring any Big C references). Normally, husbands get the “Do these pants make my butt look big?” zinger, not the “I need you to take my bra off.”

  2. Michale Bauer says:

    I’m so glad your surgery went well and your post-surgery recovery is progressing with lots of humor to share with your readers!

  3. I’m glad there was help nearby. I got stuck in one of mine recently and had to employ tools in order to get out of it. I never thought I’d use the backside of a hammer that way. Anyway, glad to hear you are recovering well!

  4. Amy White (the neighbor) says:

    Justin’s response was just awesome! Saw the TV glow on my way to the mailbox last night & hoped you guys were on the couch enjoying some creepy show. We have a similar nighttime ritual (less creepy I think) unless I’ve taken the whole couch & turned on a chick flick. In that case, Sonny goes to the office & kills bad guys.

  5. Kristel says:

    LMAO… Justin and Chuck are so cut from the same cloth! I even heard that line in my head as soon as you wrote that you needed help with your bra. I just knew what that next line was going to be. LOL Thanks for the story, that definitely made me laugh so hard out loud! Gotta love our men!

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