Sunday, May 3, 2015
Run/ Walk/ Bike/ Elliptical (Today: 0.00 miles; Running Total: 268.81 miles)
Day 296 of *Another* 100 Days of Good Karma.
I’m getting really nervous for the doctor’s appointment on Monday morning. I don’t know what they’re going to say or what tests they’ll want to run. It seems like no matter how often I go to the oncologist, I never get over that first time I had the big ‘c’ word dropped in my lap.
Justin found a new pop song on the radio that he said made him think of me. Rachel Platten’s Fight Song. Every time I got down or scared this weekend he’d play the song at full volume. I cried every time, but I smiled, too.
He was pretty proud of himself.
After dinner, my friend Veronica sent me a text asking if I’d like some company to my appointment.
Even after all this time and all the appointments she’s been to with me it’s still so hard to ask for someone to come with me. Even though the company would definitely be appreciated, it’s still hard asking for help. My knee-jerk reaction is still to go to the scary appointments alone and hide how I’m feeling from everyone.
Which, by the way, I suck at.
I always think I’m hiding my feelings really well until I’m bawling in the middle of a waiting room full of strangers.
The trips to the plastic surgeon aren’t scary. Those are almost fun. That team is piecing me back together.
The appointments on Monday though (one with my oncologist and one with my surgeon) are to determine if the cancer is gone and where we go from here. That doesn’t sound fun at all.
I’m hoping there’s more good news than bad.
I’m trying to think positive thoughts, but it’s hard. I’ve done everything they’ve asked. Chemotherapy, surgery, radiation, ongoing medication.
Now to see if my best was good enough.
Today’s silver lining: Justin and that damn song. Made me cry every freakin’ time.
But, you know? It got me goin’, too.
What’s your silver lining today? I love comments!
Don’t want to leave a comment, but have something you want to share? Send me an email at gettingthewordswrong(at)gmail(dot)com.