• A Year of Hair (A Photo Essay)

    During this last year, hair has been a sensitive topic and an ever-present source of frustration. Every time I looked in the mirror I was reminded of cancer because my hair was short and gray. Given all I’ve come through, I know that sounds impossibly ungrateful. I mean, really, it’s just hair. That’s what I said before. I should stand by that statement, right?

    Wrong. I was so, so wrong.

    Hair is important. All hair. Eyebrows. Eyelashes. Even nose hair, which I didn’t know I’d miss until I experienced a few epic nosebleeds.

    Hair makes me feel normal.

    But dammit, my hair sure didn’t look how I wanted it to.

    It felt like a punch in the gut when I had my photo taken for my work badge. The description on the back reads, “Eyes: Blue. Hair: Gray.” I read that and wanted to scream at them, “but the color isn’t my fault!” Except what good would that have done except to elicit unwanted pity?

    And I couldn’t make my hair behave. It was too short to do much with except throw on a headband and let it grow.

    To add to that frustration was the lingering fear that I’d have go through treatment again only to lose what had grown back. Fear and guilt are kissing cousins and I felt awful for hating my hair. I knew better than anyone the only thing worse than having my hair was having no hair.

    My hair has come a long way in a year. Yesterday I had my first real, honest to God, on-purpose hair cut since shaving my head. I keep sneaking peeks in the mirror just to smile at myself. I took an obscene number of selfies and sent them to all my friends. I even jumped in the car and drove over to my friend Veronica’s house to show her my hair.

    It’s been a long time since I’ve been excited about my hair. It feels good to like looking in the mirror again.

    xoxo,

    Meghan

     

    Last Chemo (January 3, 2015)

    Last Chemo (January 3, 2015)

    Radiation marks, a smile and LOOK! HAIR! (February 26, 2015)

    Radiation marks, a smile and LOOK! HAIR! (February 26, 2015)

    After first hair cut. (April 23, 2015)

    After first hair trim. (April 23, 2015)

    Job interviewing. (June 9, 2015)

    Job interviewing. (June 9, 2015)

    The pixie look. (August 5, 2015)

    The pixie look. (August 5, 2015)

    The first ponytail. (October 2015)

    The first ponytail. (October 2015)

    Faux bangs. (December 2015)

    Faux bangs. (December 2015)

    Can't wait for a hair appointment. (January 2016)

    Can’t wait for a hair appointment. There’s a squirrel growing on the back of my neck. (January 2016)

    My hair today. (Janaury 31, 2016)

    My hair today. (Janaury 31, 2016)

8 Responsesso far.

  1. Annette says:

    Love the hair cut cousin!!! Xoxo

  2. Debbie says:

    Meghan, I love your new Hair cut! I just want you to know that with or without hair, you have always looked beautiful to me. I love you as the daughter that I never had.. Can’t wait to see all you next weekend!

  3. Auntie Minute says:

    Love the new hair and the smile that goes with it. 🙂

  4. Nora Napier says:

    Your smile says it all! You rock, Meghan. <3

  5. Jane says:

    You look beautiful from the first photo to the last and all the way in between. I love hearing how you are after your journey.

  6. Karen says:

    Looks great!! Really like it a lot. You have always been so beautiful. Must be the day of hair. I cut and colored mine today also. You are one STRONG young woman. Have always been proud of you, especially through all the changes the last couple years. Remember, what doesn’t kill us just makes us stronger. You are one strong woman now!!

  7. Pat says:

    Looking pretty good, girl!! My hair has been mostly grey for so long that I rarely think of it. A little brown sneaking through here and there. But I am 63 (ughhh), and I still have all of my hair!

  8. Melissa says:

    looking good! and beautiful smile!

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