There are warning labels everywhere, but some things either have the wrong warning labels or don’t come with warning labels at all. So I made my own.
Warning: If you haven’t seen me drink it, remain quiet until I tell you it is safe to speak.
Warning: Flower scented spray will not cover the smell of shit. It will only make a very small, non-breathable space smell like flowers covered in shit.
Warning: Fashion designers are bored. And they are fucking with you.
(proof. . .)
Warning: After two glasses, I will be a whole lot of fun. For thirty minutes. And then I will be asleep.
Warning: I go from zero to hangry between 11:00 am and 11:05 am.
Warning: Seven year old boys will ask the same question forty different ways just in case you didn’t really mean ‘no’ the first thirty nine times.
Warning: Guinea pigs lives will exceed the length of time you have patience for cleaning their cages.