• 100 Days of Good Karma: Day 26 (Chemo Crash)

    Sloth

    This guy and I have a lot in common today.

    Wednesday, August 6, 2014

    Day 26 of 100 Days of Good Karma.

    Today I was slow and sleepy.  My brain has been wrapped in a fog.

    I woke up at 5:15 for no particular reason.  I just couldn’t get back to sleep.

    My oncologist encouraged me to cut back on caffeine, so I switched to half-caff, but I might as well have not bothered with it at all.  I barely wanted it this morning.

    I haven’t been nauseous, but food hasn’t looked very appealing today.  I’ll get hungry, take a couple of bites of something and then I just don’t want it anymore.

    I took a nap around 10 and I felt better afterwards then later on in the evening I felt myself slowing down again.

    I noticed I’m more sensitive to smell today.  The kids wanted donuts so I loaded them up in the car.  The smell of the donut shop is normally pleasant.  Today the smell of warm food was just averting.

    The fatigue so far reminds me a lot of the first trimester of pregnancy.  During those first few months I could nap at the drop of a hat.  That’s how I feel now.

    Today’s silver lining:  Got the results of the genetic test back.  I am negative for a mutation in the BRCA 1 and BRCA 2 genes. 

    I’ll have to discuss it with my surgeon, but this means I might be able to keep one breast.

    Even now, after twenty six days of wrestling with this monster it still feels weird to think of losing a body part.

    I catch myself wondering what that will be like.  Will I get phantom itches on a nipple I no longer have?

    But if by losing it, that means I stand a better chance of watching my children grow up, I’ll take it.

    Thank you everyone who has called or texted or checked in somehow.  I appreciate your support and love more than I can express.

    What’s your silver lining today?  I love comments!

    xoxo,
    Meghan

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12 Responsesso far.

  1. Pam says:

    Thinking of you, Meghan. Love the pic, as always. Captivated by your writing–the mixture of humor and honesty–also as always. Big hugs from Connecticut.

  2. Michale Bauer says:

    Darn drugs messing with your appetite and sense of smell … I’d say rest as much as you can. So happy the genetic testing results were good news.

    I have a really great silver lining for Wednesday: I have a job interview scheduled for this week!

  3. Pat Sincox says:

    Where do you get your pictures for these blog updates?? They all seem so appropriate!! I have to admit that there have been quite a few mornings in the office that I felt/looked just like that.

  4. Mom says:

    I have to admit, yesterday you didn’t sound “chipper”. In fact you sounded a lot like your brother when he’s low – a little foggy and sleepy – I’m sorry that the meds aren’t picking you up, but like you said, “You’ll be able to see your kids grow up! So this will be nothing. Well kiddo, you are still my Silver Lining but we are going on vacation today, ya know one of those Siskiyou County vacations to Medford! I better get busy putting things in my purse just in case stuff. Love you lots! Mom

  5. Kristel says:

    I’m so glad to hear you are negative for the BRAC 1 and 2 genes. Best news ever!

    My silver lining for yesterday was cleaning my house. I am with you, a clean house always makes me feel balanced.

    I’ve been thinking about your karma blog and I wanted to just say that you have good karma and that you didn’t do anything bad or get bad karma in order to get cancer. I hope you know that. I don’t think my Dad did anything bad to get brain cancer. I still think he had good karma and he spread it around and positively influenced everyone he met. I think your good karama blog will spread good karma and cheer you/us up. Love and hugs my friend.
    Kristel

    • Meghan says:

      Thank you, Kristel. Yes that was very good news! You’re right, of course. No one does anything to deserve cancer. That’s maybe one of the most frustrating things about this disease. There’s no reasoning with it. I think your dad was a very positive person and I’m happy that I got to know him. I hope I can bring as much good karma to the world as he did. Love and hugs back, my friend. ~Meghan

  6. If being tired and wanting to nap is all that comes of Chemo rejoice!! I had a friend go thru what you are six months ago and she had the same reaction, she was just worn out some days but she said as she got farther into the Chemo it wasn’t as bad
    Brac test was really good news. You have an infectious smile and attitude to go with it, so with the positive outlook and the grace of God you will beat this disease!! 🙂

    • Meghan says:

      I am grateful that it hasn’t been too bad so far. I hear the second 12-weeks is much harder, so I’m trying to enjoy the time I feel well while I have it. 🙂

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