Tuesday, August 19, 2014
Day 39 of 100 Days of Good Karma.
“Courage does not always roar. Sometimes courage is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying, ‘I will try again tomorrow.'” -Mary Anne Radmacher
I started writing this at 11:15 on Tuesday night. I’ve never been very good at staying up late, but I just don’t sleep well on chemo days.
Part of my treatment regimen includes very powerful steroids that make me feel like I could run around the earth half a million times before I get tired.
Unfortunately they also have the unwanted side effect of keeping me awake at night.
The steroids are part of the reason that chemotherapy is bearable. They help with nausea and work to prevent allergic reactions, so that’s good.
The non-sleep at night… not so cool.
Night time is weird.
I’ve always been one to go to bed when the sun goes down.
Right now, the house is two things I never see: dark and quiet.
Another midnight observation: I just heard the mosquito spray truck go down my street.
In this part of Texas, we love our mosquito spray trucks almost as much as we love our barbecue and good beer (neither of which can be enjoyed without the mosquito truck).
I’ve always wondered when the truck comes through our neighborhood. I’ve never seen them before.
I know they do come because it’s August and yet still possible to walk from my door to my car without being carried away by little disease carrying vampires that didn’t have the good grace to die with the dinosaurs a hundred million years ago.
Anyway, since I’m up and not going to sleep any time soon, I decided to work on Day 39.
Justin’s aunt Kathy was my chemo-date for today.
Kathy is a great chemo-date because she’s easy to sit around and talk with. She was quite tickled by my recent obsession with fiber. Poop discussions took up at least an hour of my treatment. She also played my camera woman when I needed one.
Part of today’s chemo battle gear was a necklace sent to me by one of my mother-in-law’s (I am blessed to have two). Leslee sent me this beautiful necklace.
One coin reads ‘STRENGTH’, the other reads ‘COURAGE’.
Leslee sent me a sweet note with my necklace explaining how she saw the necklace and thought of me. She said she took it to a priest to have it blessed, but when the priest blessed it, he just said a prayer over it.
This confused her.
“I remember them using holy water when I was a kid,” her note reads. “So I snuck into the chapel and splashed a little on before I left. It’s double blessed!”
I’m a pretty rusty Catholic. I don’t remember all the rules, but I think blessing your own bling was cause for public burning two thousand years ago.
I like to think God is slightly more progressive in this millennia, though. I think He’ll forgive Leslee this one slight since it was for a good cause.
God and I have been chatting a lot lately.
I’ll put in a good word for her immortal soul.
On the opposite end of my body I wore more battle gear: My Note To Self socks sent to me by my friend Tina.
Tina helped me kick off the 100 Days of Good Karma project the same day I told her about my diagnosis and her childhood home burnt down.
I unlaced my shoes and kicked them off as soon as the nurse hooked me up to the IV drugs. As I took a picture of the top of the socks, Kathy chuckled from the chair across the room.
“Give me the camera,” she said. I handed it to her and she snapped a picture of the bottom.
I looked at the picture and asked her, “Are the words really that big, or are my feet big and stretching the words?”
Kathy is the ultimate diplomat.
She shook her head. “The words are big,” she said.
So head to toe, I was coated in strength and courage.
It occurs to me that these tokens work in reverse, too.
Sometimes, when I am not at all strong or courageous, these small gifts serve as a reminder that I can lean on my loved ones to shore me up.
Today’s silver lining: Three down, nine to go.
Okay, y’all, it’s now 1:21 am on Wednesday morning and I’m going to bed, steroids or no steroids.
May your dreams be long, sweet and full of hot naked celebrities.
What’s your silver lining today? I love comments!