Wednesday, December 10, 2014
Run/ Walk/ Bike/ Elliptical (Today: 3.48 miles; Running Total: 77.16 miles)
Day 152 of *Another* 100 Days of Good Karma.
Oh holy Christmas, Batman. As if I don’t have enough to do to get ready for this holiday I have to remember to move the Elf on the Shelf every night.
And not just ‘move it’, either.
I have to do something CREATIVE with it.
There have been some mornings (Okay, okay. Every morning since December started…) when I wake up to the sounds of the kids stirring in bed, giggling over what they’re going to catch our elf doing today.
Aw, I think, turning over and snuggling deeper into the blankets. They love that elf.
And then I remember and my stomach plummets to my feet.
The elf. I didn’t move the damn elf.
So here are some lessons I’ve learned over three Christmas seasons spent sneaking around in the dark, trying to come up with something original for our elf to do five minutes before the kids walk out of their rooms.
Don’t set an alarm on your phone and name the alarm ‘Elf’. Your eight year old has better reflexes than you and can spot a glowing smartphone screen from two hundred yards. She will get to the alarm first, then question you extensively why you have an alarm named ‘elf’ on your phone. To which you will have no good response.
Don’t try to get fancy at 6am when they’re already awake and chomping at the bit to see what the elf is up to today. You just woke up five minutes ago. There is still drool on your chin. You are in no shape to be clever. Any pre-caffeinated plans are going to get you caught.
Don’t approve of their clothing. Send them to change their shirts. Tell them it’s Blue Shirt Day at school. Or it’s Red Shirt Day at school. Or it’s Any Color Shirt Day at school that they’re not wearing right now. Like, hurry. Send them now. Before they see the elf sitting in the exact same place as yesterday. And the day before that.
Do wait until they’re out of the room then stick the elf in the fridge. An elf in the fridge is hilarious to anyone under 10. Don’t ask me why. Some things just ARE.
Do keep it simple. Put her next to the coffee pot and put a mug in her hand. Tell them she was making Mommy coffee, wasn’t that sweet of her?!
Do grab whatever toys were left out last night and arrange it so it looks like the elf was playing with them. Involve the dog. She’ll give you that canine humans-are-so-weird look, but the kids believe and the dog can’t tattle.
When all else fails, do just hide the elf. Stick the elf in a drawer or cabinet somewhere. Tell them she needed to report to Santa. Give them the over-the-glasses, so-you-better-be-good mom look.
Today’s silver lining: I haven’t gotten caught with the elf.
What’s your silver lining today? I love comments!
Don’t want to leave a comment, but have something you want to share? Send me an email at gettingthewordswrong(at)gmail(dot)com.